I don’t want to give them everything, I want them to know how to be happy with just enough. I don’t want to fill them with soul crushing standards, I want them to know that it’s okay to be multi-faceted. I don’t want them to think they always have to be happy, I want them to know that it’s okay to not feel like laughing (especially when the joke wasn’t funny).
I want them to know it’s okay to not look perfect, and that it’s okay to not have or do what everyone else has or does. It’s okay to choose to let small things roll off your shoulders for the sake of your own sanity, or to say no and not feel bad about it.
I want them to know that how they feel matters, and that it’s also completely within their control to decide to act or not act on that. I want them to know that NO ONE, not even me, gets to decide who they are.
I want them to know how to forgive themselves when they desperately need to. I want them to know that when they see others enjoying massive success, that it does not diminish their own success, and that those people are still human, and they too, cannot possibly be perfect, even if it looks that way.
I don’t want them to hold bad days against themselves, I want them to know in their heart of hearts that everyone, even the people who swear they don’t, has bad days, and that everyone, even them, deserves gentleness on those days.
I don’t want them to waste precious time hating their body, I want them to know that their body is just a vessel. It could be slimmer, it could be stronger, it could be a million other things, but it would not change WHO they are. I don’t want them to mistake a persons attractiveness (or what they may see as a lack thereof) as an indicator of personality traits – I want them to know that nothing could be further from true. I want them to know that a person can be a super model and still be a really rude and demeaning person, and that a person can be “average” or “ugly”, and still be the kindest soul on earth.
And I want them to know that when it comes to me, their mom, there is no perfection here, so they don’t need to bother trying be just like me, they can instead be just like them, and know that I will still love them.